I feel so angry today about our situation. And I'm angry that someone very dear to me is also having to take risks, endure loss, and wait way too long for her Miracle. And I'm angry that another precious friend is having to pray that the life inside her stays put. I'm so angry for every woman who is struggling...or ever has struggled...or ever will struggle with infertility, miscarriage, stillbirth, SIDS, or the loss of a child.
All I keep thinking today is - wait for it - those three words nobody is supposed to say because we're all expected to be content with our current circumstances, whatever they may be...
"THIS ISN'T FAIR!!!"
Sounds childish and immature. But it really isn't fair.
Anyone who knows me knows I'm the absolute last person on the face of the earth to say anything good about myself. One of the hardest parts of our Home Study interview was when the Social Worker asked what I like best about myself.
Uhhhh...
The first thing I told her was that I think I'm a good mom. What I really wanted to say was that I *hope* people would say I'm a good mom. I do receive compliments from others, so you'd think I'd believe them. I probably should. But I digress...
So why is it that a "good" mom like me - and good moms everywhere, for that matter - have to jump through so many hoops and endure so much heartache before we can be granted the deepest desires of our heart? If children are a blessing from God, why does it seem like so many "bad" moms are blessed while the "good" moms are left empty handed...literally?
It's just not fair.
But life's not fair, is it? And this is just one of the many ways we see that fleshed out in our incredibly fallen and broken world. Natural disasters. Epidemics. Famine. Genocide. None of this is fair.
You know what else isn't fair? That I get to spend an eternity in Heaven with my Creator despite my stupid, sinful self. I should burn in Hell, but thank GOD He loved me enough to become a living sacrifice as atonement for my stupid, sinful self!
It's not fair. It's grace. And by God's grace, maybe someday soon our wait will end, and we will finally hold Joy. And my someone very dear to me will get her Miracle. And my other precious friend will be snuggling and celebrating the life that was once inside her.
Okay. Tantrum is over now. Yay for perspective, right?
"God's law was given so that all people could see how sinful they were.
But as people sinned more and more, God's wonderful grace became more
abundant."
~ Romans 5:20
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